David Jaggard's

Quorum of One

Issue number 34.5     March 20, 2001

 

Wet humor on the Web since 2001

Quorum of One is intended for adult readers    


 

This (semi-)issue:

Other upcoming novels by Britney Spears

 
 
 

Britney Spears and her mother have signed a deal to write a novel, which is scheduled to appear in bookstores in May. Random House has announced that the mother-daughter team's first fiction effort, tentatively titled "A Mother's Birth," will tell the rags-to-riches story of a Southern teenager with a big singing voice.
- Associated Press, March 15, 2001
 
 
In a statement communicated to This Publication by her brother Krautney, Britney Spears has revealed the working titles and plot summaries of the next five works of "totally made-up fiction" she plans to write in collaboration with her mother Tuscney, "as soon as Mom and I can find the time."
 
 
"A Brother's Mirth"
The moving story of a determined young woman who strives to become a best-selling novelist and then realizes that she needs her mother's help.
 
"A Daughter's Dearth"
The touching story of a plucky young woman who sets out to write her autobiography and then realizes that first she needs to have had a life.
 
"Handi-Wipes to Riches"
The poignant story of a dauntless young woman who, against all odds, achieves fabulous success in the, ah, steel industry (or something like that) through sheer perseverance, guts, talent, stunning good looks, heavy reverb and the backing of her mom and her agent, only to find herself "lonely at the top", isolated, misunderstood and unjustly maligned. (Note: Remember to ask Mom if they have agents in the steel industry too. And reverb.)
 
"An Uncle's Monkey"
In this emotion-packed, fast-moving, spine-tingling thriller, a resolute young woman who has achieved nearly unimaginable wealth and worldwide glory is hounded by a worthless, chinless, no-life, scumbag, dirt-class stalker who seems to have been put on earth for the sole purpose of testing the limits of Christian charity. He makes her life an absolute living hell until one day, putting to good use the skills she learned in a martial arts course she took with her mom, the heroine turns the tables on her evil tormentor. In an astonishing climax, she confronts this pus-brain and teaches him a lesson that he, and the reader, will not soon forget.
 
"A Princess's Quest"
The heartrending story of a young woman of principle who has yet to discover love and, because of her enduring attachment to her mother and her steadfast refusal to put out, still hasn't discovered it at the end of five volumes.
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

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¨©2001 by David Jaggard