Issue
number 46 December
5, 2002
Quorum of One is intended for adult
readers
This
issue:
Special Cyberspace Issue
Today, dear readers, we explore the
fascinating world of cyberspace. Come with me now. Come with me to a magical,
wondrous realm where "Apples" don't have seeds, where you can't catch
a "Mouse" with cheese, where you can't use the "Net" to
hunt butterflies, where a "Mac" doesn't come with fries...
Editor: Oferchrissake...
... where the "Web" isn't made of spider spit, where a
"Zip" won't keep your pants up, where "RAM" isn't an
astrological sign, where "Servers" don't expect a tip, where
"Bugs" don't scurry across your kitchen floor when you turn the light
on, where a "Virus" won't make your nose run, where birds don't fly
into "Windows" and knock themselves senseless, where two
"Bits" won't buy you a shave and a haircut, where "Chips"
don't go very well with onion dip, where "Gates" will never swing,
where a "Hard drive" isn't a non-stop coast-to-coast trip on
Interstate 80, where "Rebooting" doesn't mean getting plastic surgery
to enhance the shape of your buttocks, where "Bytes" isn't what 'N
Sync's latest album does, where you can't fix a "Floppy" with Viagra,
where... BZZZZZZZZZZT!!!
Me: Oww! That! Really!! Hurts!!!
What was that?!
Editor: After
that idiocy two issues ago I was afraid this might happen again, so I installed
an electric cattle prod in the seat of your chair and wired it to this
footswitch. I call it "The Pun-Stunner".
Me: Is
that legal?
Editor: Probably
not, but apparently it's necessary. Hey, you forgot one: Where
"UPS" doesn't mean "United Parcel Service"...
Me: Huh?
Editor: Try
"Unemployed Pun-addled Schlockmeister".
Me: C'mon,
I'm just doing the intro.
Editor: Speaking
of intros, I thought you had a new audio number ready. Why don't you just start
over with that?
Me: Oh
all right, here goes:
Issue
number 46 December
5, 2002
Quorum of One is intended for adult
readers
This issue:
Special Audio Issue
Please go to my MySpace page and
click on "Everyone's In Love But You"
This tune is vaguely an homage to the
hilarious recordings of Louis Jordan and the brilliant lyrics of John
Hendricks.
©2002
by David Jaggard
Don't
even read this: QOO is a humor site devoted to parody, satire, parodies,
satires, jokes and humor, jokes and humour, news parodies, news satires, funny
news, satires of the news, parodies of the news, humorous news, news jokes,
newspaper parodies, newspaper satires, literary parodies, literary satires,
literary satire, literary parody, satirical literature, parodies of literature,
satires of literature, funny music, funny songs, humorous songs, humorous
music, comic songs, funny lyrics, comic lyrics, homorous lyrics, novelty songs,
and getting as many possible search engine keywords into this paragraph as
possible. I warned you.