David Jaggard's

Quorum of One

Issue number 57                September 3, 2004

Wet humor on the Web since 1973

 

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Quorum of One is intended for adult readers


 
 This issue:

Mnemonic Devices I Taught to the Annoyingly Handsome Brazilian Foreign Exchange Student Who Stole My Girlfriend

 

 

 

In fall, all clocks forward.
In spring, bring them back.

 

The Tropic of Cancer is down south like Canberra, Australia, and the Tropic of Capricorn is up north like Cape Cod, Massachusetts.

 

To distinguish between "principle" and "principal":

Remember that a principle leads a school, and a principal allies people who believe in it.

 

To distinguish between "affect" and "effect":

Affect is the nAme (noun) and Effect is the vErb.

 

"Capital" and "capitol":

The capital building is tall, and to get to the capitol city you might have to pay a toll.

 

"Desert" and "dessert":

Single "S" for food that's Sweet,

Double "S" for Scorched, Sore feet.

 

In fourteen hundred and ninety-one, Columbus sailed the ocean, hon.

 

Every good boy does time.

 

"GIV R BOY" a hand for remembering the order of the colors of the rainbow: Gray, Indigo, Violet, Red, Brown, Orange, Yellow.

 

To remember the names of the five Great Lakes:

HOGSLOP (Huron, Ontario, Great Salt Lake, Okeechobee, Powell)

 

Red sky at night, sailors take fright,
Red sky at dawn, sailors just yawn.

And then they go ashore and contract syphilis.

 

I after E, except before C, or when sounded like "eye", as in "This is a lie."

 

A stalactite is anchored "tight" to the cave floor, while a stalagmite hangs down from the ceiling and "might" smack you in the forehead if you're not careful. And while you're at it, maybe you should be careful who you ask to help you with your homework.

 

 

 

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¨©2004 by David Jaggard

 

 

 

 

 

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