Issue number 65 April 9, 2006
Quorum of One is intended for adult readers
A list of lists
with a special contribution from a guest author
Thoughts that movie actors are perfectly justified in having but that they should never under any circumstances express out loud
I didn't get paid enough.
The award should have gone to me.
People don't realize just how hard I work.
Having famous parents hasn't helped me one bit.
Being a celebrity is pure hell.
Hey -- I think I'd make a pretty good governor!
Items I'm too embarrassed to ask for at Home Depot
by guest contributor Karen Wise, author of the only blog I actually read with any regularity
pop-up ball joint rod
iron bender head
heavy-duty hole shooter
Trick trick questions
What color is the Golden Gate Bridge?
What color is an airplane's black box?
What state is Kansas City in?
How long was the Hundred Years War?
In which state was Tennessee Williams born?
What are the ingredients in an egg cream?
What country do Panama hats come from?
11 hopelessly pathetic name puns and the number of matches for each on Google as of April 8, 2004
Al Coholic 23,800
Dan Druff 18,000
Artie Choke 2,540
Gil Bates 987
Stan Dupp 718
Cora Napple 157
Stu Pidjerk 50
Darrell Bubble 23
Aaron Drunner 6
Nora Whimper 1
Art Henry Phil Zanoff 0
"Virgin" cocktail recipes for teetotalling purists
Virgin Dry Martini
Put three ounces of crushed ice in a cocktail shaker. Shake. Throw out. Place olive in a stemmed glass. Serve.
(Note: For a Virgin Gibson, replace olive with a pickled baby onion.)
Place four ice cubes in a Manhattan glass. Add maraschino cherry. Garnish with slice of lemon zest. Serve.
Virgin Margarita, "up"
Line rim of old-fashioned glass with salt. Squeeze in juice of 1/2 lime. Serve.
Virgin Flaming Shot of Drambuie
Pour 1/2 ounce of Drambuie in glass. Ignite with a match. Wait until all the liquid is burned away. Serve immediately.
Virgin Scotch, "neat"
Take shot glass. Serve.
Drop shot glass into empty half-quart beer mug. Chug-a-lug!
Virgin Irish Coffee
Place a penny in the bottom of a coffee mug. Pour in hot coffee until you can't see the penny. Do nothing until you can see the penny again. Sugar to taste and top with whipped cream. Serve hot.
Purple Mary Punch
Buy 100 (or more) plastic cups. Provide felt-tip markers for guests to write their initials on their cups so they won't lose them. Borrow or rent a 20-quart punchbowl. Place punchbowl in washtub full of crushed ice. Add contents of 12 packets of grape Kool-Aid brand fruit drink mix. It's party time!
copyright 2006 by David Jaggard
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