Issue
number 65 April
9, 2006
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Quorum of One is intended for adult readers
This issue:
A
list of lists
with
a special contribution from a guest author
Thoughts that movie actors are
perfectly justified in having but that they should never under any
circumstances express out loud
I didn't get paid enough.
The award should have gone to me.
People don't realize just how hard I work.
Having famous parents hasn't helped me one bit.
Being a celebrity is pure hell.
Hey -- I think I'd make a pretty good governor!
Items I'm too
embarrassed to ask for at Home Depot
by guest
contributor Karen Wise, author of the only blog I actually read with any
regularity
caulk
screw nuts
ballcock
low-flow male
female-to-female jack
pop-up ball joint rod
iron bender head
flex-shaft attachment
heavy-duty hole shooter
Trick trick questions
What color is the Golden Gate Bridge?
What color is an airplane's black box?
What state is Kansas City in?
How long was the Hundred Years War?
In which state was Tennessee Williams born?
What are the ingredients in an egg cream?
What country do Panama hats come from?
11 hopelessly pathetic name
puns and the number of matches for each on Google as of April 8, 2004
Al Coholic 23,800
Dan Druff 18,000
Artie Choke 2,540
Gil Bates 987
Stan Dupp 718
Cora Napple 157
Stu Pidjerk 50
Darrell Bubble 23
Aaron Drunner 6
Nora Whimper 1
Art Henry Phil Zanoff 0
"Virgin" cocktail recipes
for teetotalling purists
Virgin Dry Martini
Put three ounces of crushed ice in a cocktail shaker. Shake. Throw
out. Place olive in a stemmed glass. Serve.
(Note: For a Virgin Gibson, replace olive with a pickled baby onion.)
Virgin Manhattan
Place four ice cubes in a Manhattan glass. Add maraschino cherry.
Garnish with slice of lemon zest. Serve.
Virgin Margarita, "up"
Line rim of old-fashioned glass with salt. Squeeze in juice of 1/2
lime. Serve.
Virgin Flaming Shot of Drambuie
Pour 1/2 ounce of Drambuie in glass. Ignite with a match. Wait until
all the liquid is burned away. Serve immediately.
Virgin Scotch, "neat"
Take shot glass. Serve.
Virgin Boilermaker
Drop shot glass into empty half-quart beer mug. Chug-a-lug!
Virgin Irish Coffee
Place a penny in the bottom of a coffee mug. Pour in hot coffee until
you can't see the penny. Do nothing until you can see the penny again. Sugar to
taste and top with whipped cream. Serve hot.
Purple Mary Punch
Buy 100 (or more) plastic cups. Provide felt-tip markers for guests
to write their initials on their cups so they won't lose them. Borrow or rent a
20-quart punchbowl. Place punchbowl in washtub full of crushed ice. Add
contents of 12 packets of grape Kool-Aid brand fruit drink mix. It's party time!
copyright
2006 by David Jaggard
Don't
read this: QOO is a humor site devoted to parody, satire,
parodies, satires, jokes and humor, jokes and humour, news parodies, news
satires, funny news, satires of the news, parodies of the news, humorous news,
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satires, literary satire, literary parody, satirical literature, parodies of
literature, satires of literature, strange monologues, funny lists, list humor,
humorous lists, humourous lists, list parodies, list satires and getting as
many possible search engine keywords into this paragraph as possible. I warned
you. About the
translation / traduction of Air France Madame Magazine and Nancy Li