David Jaggard's

Quorum of One

Issue number 66                  June 11, 2006

Wet humor on the Web since, oh, a while back now I guess.




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Quorum of One is intended for adult readers

 This issue:

Voices of Innocence

Stirring statements made by unjustly persecuted heroes of the past two millennia (and then some)



Note: Many of these quotes appear here in their unabridged versions for the first time ever.


"Some things work, some things don't. Obviously I am disappointed, but that's the way the system works."

Jeffrey Skilling, former chief executive of Enron, after being pronounced guilty on 18 counts of conspiracy and securities fraud, May 25, 2006


"Our words, our lives, our pains: nothing! The taking of our lives, lives of a good shoemaker and a poor fish peddler: all! That last moment belongs to us. That agony is our triumph. So turns out they were right: you can't fight City Hall."

Bartolomeo Vanzetti, 1927


"J'Accuse... ! Mais bon." ("I accuse! But hey.")

Emile Zola (on behalf of Alfred Drefyus), 1898

"'Shoot, if you must, this old gray head,        

But spare your country's flag,' she said.

'Though if you Southern gents ask sweetly

I might change my mind completely...

Aw shucks, rip 'er right in two --

It's really no big whoop-dee-doo.'"

From the first draft of "Barbara Frietchie" by John Greenleaf Whittier, 1864


"I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country. Oh well, I guess that's just the way the hardtack crumbles."

Nathan Hale, 1776


"Hold the cross high so I may see it through the flames! Unless, of course, you guys are tuckered out from hauling all this wood and don't have the energy to hoist it up right now. Whatever."

Joan of Arc, 1431


"My God, why hast Thou forsaken me? Oh wait -- I know! This is just one of those 'mysterious ways' in which You work, right? Right?"

Jesus of Nazareth, 33


"Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius. Will you remember to pay the debt? I -- oh Zeus! Woah -- hand me that urn! Rrrrrrphh. Sorry man. Hey, you know what? About that Asclepius thing? Fuck him."

Socrates, 399 BC






copyright 2006 by David Jaggard






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