Issue
number 73 April
29, 2007
Quorum of One is intended for adult
readers.
Special oddball
audio issue:
The Quorum
of One Ring Tone
and
The Quorum
of One Podcast
The QOO Ring Tone
As
you know, in recent years cell phones have taken over a huge part of everyday
human communication. Anyone who spends time in a public space or group working
environment is exposed to a steady and varied barrage of ring tones. As a
challenge to myself as a composer I decided to consider the phenomenon of these
now ubiquitous sonic entities, their purpose, their role as an expression of
personal taste and style, and their intrinsic esthetics, with the goal of
creating a cell phone ring tone that would meet the following
carefully-considered list of specifications:
1)
Not
really freaking annoying.
In other words, the first ring tone of
its kind, to my knowledge.
Having
made a sound file that I think does the job, I came up against two problems:
A) I am the last person on earth
who doesn't have a cell phone so I can't test my ring tone on my own phone, and
B) It turns out that the process
of converting a sound file into a ring tone is, in and of itself, REALLY
FREAKING ANNOYING (caps mine) and complicated.
Essentially,
every phone brand has its own format. So I have decided to offer a
"beta" version of my ring tone in this issue. The links below will
allow you to download different formats of the same file. I have actually
completed seven different timbral variations of two different ring tones, which
I will post later after I figure this whole thing out, but for now, readers who
would like to try a new ring tone and help me out in the process can:
3) Listen to the MP3 version and
see if you like it,
VI) Download the format that is
most likely to be compatible with your phone, try it and, most importantly,
Z) Let me know how it works.
In
particular, I am not certain that my 1.9-second sound will repeat once it's
loaded in a phone, or if I am supposed to make a longer file with the repeats
"built in", so to speak. All feedback (send
me a message here) will be much, much appreciated.
Choose your version
of the Quorum of One Ring Tone:
mot
format for Motorola phones
ma3.mmf format for Yamaha SMAF MA-3
10.sagem format for Sagem-compatible phones
MIDI
0 format (about which I have great trepidation and will be surprised
if it actually works, but apparently this is by far the most common format)
And now, The Quorum of One
Podcast
I
am a member of a website for musicians
called Garage Band. One of the things members do is listen to other
members' work and do "blindfold" reviews (you don't know who you're
listening to until after you write your review). In the course of doing this
over the months I have come across a number of songs by various bands and solo
acts that I have liked, so I have strung
them together in a podcast.
Here's
the playlist, whose order was determined mostly by cabernet sauvignon:
Hank
Williams by
Ann Klein
Frailty by ADA
Future
Truth by
Edges of Seven
Beatrice
#2 by
carnindyle
Arrow
of Apollo by
5Gunner
Mr.
Sam by
Humdinger
30
Songs a Day
by the Wandering Carmelluccis
Bugz by Drinking from the Fire
Hose
I
Hide by Edges
of Seven
Last
Night I Kicked the Dog
by Carl Hatmaker
Hail by Chris Chum
Get
Out by
Control Theory (warning: it's all in the rhythm)
The
Stars Can Wait
by Mike Stephens
Please
note that the
word "eclectic" does not even begin to describe the styles covered in this
list. I will be quite frankly astonished if anyone besides me actually likes
all of these songs. In particular there is one track that has such offensive
lyrics I almost decided not to include it but I like the instrumental solos too
much to leave it out. Remember, you can always fast forward to the next one.
Those
of you who experience a negative reaction to all the metal, country, jazz, emo ('fraid
so) and rap-influenced stuff on the list (did I mention that it's eclectic?) should
not neglect to check out the last song, by Mike Stephens, which is a
straightforward, laid-back, quiet and romantic folk number with great vocals
and nothing but acoustic guitars providing the accompaniment.
And if you are so inclined you
can go to my
"garage" and listen to my tracks, although they have all been
posted on this site already.
copyright
2007 by David Jaggard
Don't
read this: QOO is a humor site devoted to parody, satire,
parodies, satires, jokes and humor, jokes and humour, news parodies, news satires,
funny news, satires of the news, parodies of the news, humorous news, news
jokes, newspaper parodies, funny quotes, funny lists, list humor, list humour,
list jokes, cellphone ring tones, cell phone ring tones, cellphone rings, cell
phone rings, podcasts, experimental rock, offbeat music, newspaper satires,
literary parodies, literary satires, literary satire, literary parody,
satirical literature, funny obituaries, parodies of obituaries, journalism
parodies, journalism satires, journalism parody, journalism satire, parodies of
literature, lyrics, parodies of lyrics, satires of lyrics, song lyric parodies,
song lyric satires, satires of literature, strange monologues, humorous lists,
humourous lists, list parodies, list satires and getting as many possible
search engine keywords into this paragraph as possible. I warned you. About the
translation / traduction of Air France Madame Magazine and Nancy Li