Issue number 73 April 29, 2007
Quorum of One is intended for adult readers.
Special oddball audio issue:
The Quorum of One Ring Tone
The Quorum of One Podcast
The QOO Ring Tone
As you know, in recent years cell phones have taken over a huge part of everyday human communication. Anyone who spends time in a public space or group working environment is exposed to a steady and varied barrage of ring tones. As a challenge to myself as a composer I decided to consider the phenomenon of these now ubiquitous sonic entities, their purpose, their role as an expression of personal taste and style, and their intrinsic esthetics, with the goal of creating a cell phone ring tone that would meet the following carefully-considered list of specifications:
1) Not really freaking annoying.
In other words, the first ring tone of its kind, to my knowledge.
Having made a sound file that I think does the job, I came up against two problems:
A) I am the last person on earth who doesn't have a cell phone so I can't test my ring tone on my own phone, and
B) It turns out that the process of converting a sound file into a ring tone is, in and of itself, REALLY FREAKING ANNOYING (caps mine) and complicated.
Essentially, every phone brand has its own format. So I have decided to offer a "beta" version of my ring tone in this issue. The links below will allow you to download different formats of the same file. I have actually completed seven different timbral variations of two different ring tones, which I will post later after I figure this whole thing out, but for now, readers who would like to try a new ring tone and help me out in the process can:
3) Listen to the MP3 version and see if you like it,
VI) Download the format that is most likely to be compatible with your phone, try it and, most importantly,
Z) Let me know how it works.
In particular, I am not certain that my 1.9-second sound will repeat once it's loaded in a phone, or if I am supposed to make a longer file with the repeats "built in", so to speak. All feedback (send me a message here) will be much, much appreciated.
Choose your version of the Quorum of One Ring Tone:
MIDI 0 format (about which I have great trepidation and will be surprised if it actually works, but apparently this is by far the most common format)
And now, The Quorum of One Podcast
I am a member of a website for musicians called Garage Band. One of the things members do is listen to other members' work and do "blindfold" reviews (you don't know who you're listening to until after you write your review). In the course of doing this over the months I have come across a number of songs by various bands and solo acts that I have liked, so I have strung them together in a podcast.
Here's the playlist, whose order was determined mostly by cabernet sauvignon:
Hank Williams by Ann Klein
Frailty by ADA
Future Truth by Edges of Seven
Beatrice #2 by carnindyle
Arrow of Apollo by 5Gunner
Mr. Sam by Humdinger
30 Songs a Day by the Wandering Carmelluccis
Bugz by Drinking from the Fire Hose
I Hide by Edges of Seven
Last Night I Kicked the Dog by Carl Hatmaker
Hail by Chris Chum
Get Out by Control Theory (warning: it's all in the rhythm)
The Stars Can Wait by Mike Stephens
Please note that the word "eclectic" does not even begin to describe the styles covered in this list. I will be quite frankly astonished if anyone besides me actually likes all of these songs. In particular there is one track that has such offensive lyrics I almost decided not to include it but I like the instrumental solos too much to leave it out. Remember, you can always fast forward to the next one.
Those of you who experience a negative reaction to all the metal, country, jazz, emo ('fraid so) and rap-influenced stuff on the list (did I mention that it's eclectic?) should not neglect to check out the last song, by Mike Stephens, which is a straightforward, laid-back, quiet and romantic folk number with great vocals and nothing but acoustic guitars providing the accompaniment.
And if you are so inclined you can go to my "garage" and listen to my tracks, although they have all been posted on this site already.
copyright 2007 by David Jaggard
Don't read this: QOO is a humor site devoted to parody, satire, parodies, satires, jokes and humor, jokes and humour, news parodies, news satires, funny news, satires of the news, parodies of the news, humorous news, news jokes, newspaper parodies, funny quotes, funny lists, list humor, list humour, list jokes, cellphone ring tones, cell phone ring tones, cellphone rings, cell phone rings, podcasts, experimental rock, offbeat music, newspaper satires, literary parodies, literary satires, literary satire, literary parody, satirical literature, funny obituaries, parodies of obituaries, journalism parodies, journalism satires, journalism parody, journalism satire, parodies of literature, lyrics, parodies of lyrics, satires of lyrics, song lyric parodies, song lyric satires, satires of literature, strange monologues, humorous lists, humourous lists, list parodies, list satires and getting as many possible search engine keywords into this paragraph as possible. I warned you. About the translation / traduction of Air France Madame Magazine and Nancy Li